Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
