I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
