Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
