Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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