just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
