Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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