Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
