god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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