Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
