Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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