it wasn't lemon gatorade
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
then he tried to convert me to islam
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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