im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I bet he comes in French.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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