I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
