Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
