HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
