I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
