She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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