i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You smell like stripper and shame
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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