Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
