She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Your topless pictures make me question reality
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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