As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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