Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm like, not good at living.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
