I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
