Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
