you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
