I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
