tell your sister to shave her snatch
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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