If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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