I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
