It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
