Texts From Last Night · locactus500's Favorites

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locactus500's Favorites Texts:

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?

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(915): View more from Texas

I told you I was good to drive

(1-915): View more from Texas

dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

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(757): View more from Virginia

At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.

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(512): View more from Texas

Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.

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