Texts From Last Night · chiefsanders's Favorites

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chiefsanders's Favorites Texts:

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(907): View more from Alaska

At least life still wants to fuck me.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages

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(518): View more from New York

No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.

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(512): View more from Texas

Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again

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(713): View more from Texas

Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.

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(630): View more from Illinois

The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"

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(585): View more from New York

this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile

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(216): View more from Ohio

I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating

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