Texts From Last Night · beavis556's Favorites

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beavis556's Favorites Texts:

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(516): View more from New York

sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.

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(703): View more from Virginia

How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

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(304): View more from West Virginia

You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.

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(407): View more from Florida

i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.

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(734): View more from Michigan

I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.

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(940): View more from Texas

I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.

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