Texts From Last Night · Darsmaul's Favorites

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Darsmaul's Favorites Texts:

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(850): View more from Florida

My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco

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(304): View more from West Virginia

drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."

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