Texts From Last Night · DanishSauce's Favorites

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DanishSauce's Favorites Texts:

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(256): View more from Alabama

I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.

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(305): View more from Florida

you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out

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(604): View more from British Columbia

she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.

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(214): View more from Texas

A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

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(330): View more from Ohio

theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.

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(252): View more from North Carolina

Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won

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(360): View more from Washington

he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them

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(770): View more from Georgia

just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

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