I just made out with a guy for $7.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
