You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
