I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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