So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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