my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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