I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
accomplished twins. life is a go
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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