i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
