I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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