Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
