Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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