This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
