I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
