There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
