I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
