Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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