yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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