Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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