I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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