Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
