how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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